A long goodbye begun too soon

It was the summer of 2006 and while traveling between the Berkshires, MA and Washington, DC I made a stop for a few days at a L’Abri. Since I was just passing through, I did not participate in any sort of guided study as is common at L’Abri. But the head of that location, Dick Keyes, was kind enough to still meet with me.

It is a moment that is frozen in time. I can still remember all of the details, down to the color of the shirt he was wearing. We spoke briefly and I answered the questions he asked. They were perceptive questions with little wiggle room when answering. When he finished he said, “Since you won’t be here long I think the best thing for you to do would be to listen to a sermon series by Tim Keller called Practical Grace.”

Who is that? I replied.

Oh, he is just a pastor in New York. But I think this series will help you.

So that day began my experience of the teaching of Dr. Timothy Keller.

My life was never the same.

I ended my educational goals at Ohio State early; forgoing a thesis and hopeful Ph.D. program and tested out to begin seminary. A career. A way of life. A way to see the world and understand it was all changed. It would be impossible to state how God used Tim Keller to completely remake me. And so very important to stress: it is an ongoing process.

So today is his memorial service and I am crying.

But I know he is not crying. He is rejoicing. After all, his last words made it clear he knew where he was going and was excited. What were his last words?

“There is no downside for me leaving, not in the slightest.”

Thank you, Dr. Keller. Thank you, God, for Dr. Keller.

You say Goodbye, I say Hello

Just a thought I had tonight: What does grace look like for the person in need of some goodness and lovingkindness (Titus 3:4)? Is it food, provided inexplicably out of nowhere and without end? A wine that never ends and tastes better than expected and is delivered free of charge, so you’re spared embarrassment at your wedding of being a poor host? Perhaps it is the question, ‘Do you want to be well,’ asked by the one longing to heal? Or maybe it is the willingness to not enter someone’s house but instead do them a favor from afar. Possibly this goodness is as uncomfortable. As uncomfortable as accepting an expensive gift delivered at a dinner party by an uninvited guest. Jesus is the grace of God on full display and if you want to know what the grace of God looks like, look no further than his actions in the Gospels.  

On being useful

Earlier this year I read Alan Noble’s small book On Getting Out of Bed. Overall, it was a good read with some insightful and timely things. But the last chapter really stuck with me. So here I am, a month or so later, with the book again. I checked it out to reread the last chapter and because this blog has become my own personal repository, I’m going to summarize and quote some of that chapter. I know that in the future it will help me to have this to draw on, maybe it will help someone else too.

When all is said and done, the only reason to get out of bed–that is, to live life–is for God and His glory. There are other reasons presented: you can live for the World, for the Flesh, or the Devil, but those only care about you “so long as you are useful to them” (97).

The World is only interested in whether you can contribute and be productive in its scheme to live independently from God. If you cannot help with that; say you become ill or too old or poor to help, then you are useless or even worse, viewed as a threat by the World.

“Once your body experiences more pain than pleasure your Flesh has no reason to keep going…To your Flesh, you are only useful while your personal experience of life is a net positive. And if you are not useful, your life is not worth enduring” (98).

An alternative to the World and the Flesh is living for the devil. A life lived for the devil is one that denies the sovereignty, goodness, and preservation of God. It is the self-sufficient person, the self-destructive person, the outwardly violent person. In this way of being, your value again comes down to being useful: how good at you at denying your dependence on God and facilitating open rebellion to him? (98-99)

So here is where Alan punched me in the face:

“Usefulness is the sole criterion for the World, the Flesh, or the Devil. But you have no use value to God. You can’t. There is nothing He needs. You can’t cease being useful to God because you were never useful to begin with. That’s not why He created you, and it’s not why He continues to sustain your existence in the world. His creation of you was gratuitous, prodigal. He made you because He loves you and for His own pleasure…If you live for the World, the Flesh, or the Devil, there is no room for grace, or for God’s gifts.” (99)

Once upon a time…but now

I hate running.

I’ve always hated running. When I used to be what could be considered an athletic person, I still hated running. The practice was my least favorite part of playing the sport.

However, one of my progeny happens to enjoy running. Today, she ran a 5k. While approaching the finish line, where I was standing and cheering her on, she saw me and then saw the giant clock. When she saw the clock, she realized she would beat her personal best by over 2 minutes. Her jaw dropped. She smiled. She threw her hands up and crossed the finish line as if she had won the Olympics.

And, I’m not going to lie. There were tears in my eyes.

How did I go from hating running to crying as I watched someone cross the finish line?

I loved the person who was running.

For years, when it was my job to preach, I would tell people that when you love God, your values change and you start caring about what he cares about because you love him.

It has taken me years to realize the truth of that and sadly, not because of my relationship with God but because of my relationship with my children. That, of course, isn’t to say I am not changing or that my love for my children isn’t reflective of greater love, simply that I have noticed it in an unexpected place.

Another one of my children is in ballet. And every week I watch her practice for a recital, doing the same routine over and over again. I never tire of watching it. And I look forward to the recital with great anticipation.

Once upon a time my interests were X but now, since meeting my children, they are Y.

Ephesians 2:8-10 “ For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)  and find out what pleases the Lord.”

Just the way I’m feelin’

I was(n’t) prepared

One of my favorite movies (children or otherwise) is the animated feature, Hoodwinked. In the movie, Little Red Riding Hood comes upon a goat who is always prepared. He sings a fun song about it:

During his song, an avalanche takes place. This catastrophic event causes the goat to change his song saying he didn’t feel prepared but alas, all ends well for him. The last we see of him he joyfully proclaims, “I was prepared.”

As I settle into nearly my third year since a total change in my career, I find myself thinking about that goat. I recently changed employers and the downtime between the two companies gave me a lot of time to pray and think and finally, I had to be honest with myself: I don’t want to do this job for the rest of my working life.

The problem is, however, that I am unprepared. When I look at available careers, especially one that would pay at least comparable to what I currently make (and need to make as the sole provider of my large family) there is nothing out there. I would have to start over. Again. And most likely, before starting over, I would need some sort of training or certification.

I spent the first half of my life preparing for the wrong things. I have a lot of knowledge. A specialized skill set. And no way to apply it to anything meaningful or useful. I’ve been hoodwinked and now, despite 3 degrees and a multitude of years both in the private and non-profit sectors, I am not prepared.

Hope Springs Eternal

I’m still on the waiting list for his book but Andrew Yang, after leaving the DNC, has formed a new political party. The party promises to endorse candidates from either party which support its agenda. They will do this because part of the agenda is to end the partisan gridlock in DC.

Someone recognizing that maybe…just maybe…possibly…(secretly) that…some of the time… the opposite party isn’t wrong?

Color me hopeful.

It’s almost as if Andrew Yang is a (Reformed) Christian who realizes that politics are not black and white because the political platform of a politician isn’t the inspired word of God, since our citizenship is…you know…in heaven.

(If you clicked those links, you may experience an existential crisis. I know the media will have you believe, and you may also believe, that a certain party’s platform is the Kingdom of Heaven…but it isn’t.)

Maybe, you don’t know what to do! But, I don’t know what to do.

However:

Hope springs eternal.

P.S. Grace and Tolerance is part of his platform. Grace. Grace! I can’t recall seeing that on the DNC or RNC platform. As a reminder…the RNC decided to not have a platform at the last election but rather to endorse the Great Leader.

Send the Pain Below

I’m not sure what is harder to believe: that 22 years ago I was a junior in high school or that 22 years ago Chevelle released Point No. 1.

The Goat

I don’t like him.

I mean, look at him.

But I have to give credit where credit is due. Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback. Thus far. Saying ever is stupid as it encompasses the future. But there’s no one better than him.

And I don’t like him. He went to Michigan. He’s a cheater. But whatever. It can’t be denied so let’s not talk about this ever again.

Cranberry Cider

Cracked open a bottle of the Cranberry Cider this past weekend and thought I would provide an update for you.

Mrs. Wine and I agreed it was both very good. You can’t actually “taste” the cranberry per say. As you can see from the picture. it does create a reddish hue to the drink, which makes it quite sightly. But while you cannot taste the cranberry, you can tell something tart is present which alters the flavor profile. We agreed it is reminiscent of cranberry ginger ale in the sense that you can’t taste the cranberry but you can tell something tart has been added. A better comparison might be cranberry wine. It is reddish and tart but if you didn’t know it was cranberry wine, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell. Unless, of course, you were a sommelier.

This one is carbing slowly and so I will give it some more time. It will be interesting to see how it develops in terms of flavor profile. Stay tuned for more!

In other gluten free news, I am being sent gluten free beer (for free!) from a gluten free brewery to try out and if I like it, to encourage others to try it out. So if you happen to see some posts here soon regarding some beer which I did not brew, now you know why.